Obligations

these days, writing stopped feeling like art and now feels like obligation. i’m afraid i’ve stopped noticing.

am i turning normal?

i’ve stopped writing poetry and my works have become monotonous. like an advertisement repeating the same thing but every time, it gets ignored by the rush of life.

what if my talent runs out and i become the lesser version of myself? what if people see me at my lowest and say that’s the real me? what if i think all this was just luck and start believing they might be true?

amidst all these spiraling ‘what-ifs’ i stand with no direct answer. maybe the questions emerge to point out that this is the time to answer them.

time really is cruel. i know summer days are supposed to feel long but i didnt expect this much. i wish years would just pass by quickly and i finally get to the good part. without the struggle and confusion. cant i be less chalant about this though?

its tedious to think and plan another day of this boring life. i’d rather be doing something else in a completely different place than what i do now. when did i start writing for the sake of writing?

everything i see these days is apparently material for writing. it was never supposed to be that. there is a difference between pouring ketchup on fries and adding a mixture of sauces. i prefer the mixture so why am i here evaluating myself for punctuation.

i miss the days when my audience actually loved what i wrote and didnt feel obligated to read it. there were genuinely people who asked me when my next post was. but ever since having a blog became a trophy, it has turned rather sour.

i dont like this at all. so what if once every five words i write is grammatically incorrect? if i really have no audience, who’s judging? not me sir.

not going to lie, that felt liberating. so, life update: im a 10th grader and boards await next year. im not sure if im getting cooked or if i will cook. 11th stream is honestly such a mess. but rest assured i will choose arts even if it means war.

college is taboo topic right now, because i care about my mental health. im trying to take this one step at a time so let me help myself to all this time available at my doorstep. atleast until the house collapses.

we’re no one’s college essay so lets take time changing. the crossed out words in a white paper add character i believe. i hope time isnt so cruel this year around. i’d atleast want one thing on my side.

gtg. peace for now.